Why Do Couples Struggle?

A common question we receive is: Why do couples struggle? Or what leads couples to divorce? After mentoring 300+ couples, the common theme is... well, you're going to have to read on.

Russ and I have been doing this work for almost 10 years (October 2025). One trend we see every year is that things slow down naturally before the holidays. Couples hit the "pause button" on their conflicts—for the sake of the kids, for family gatherings, or just to take a break from the tension. But here's the catch: unresolved issues don’t disappear just because they’re ignored.

January often becomes a breaking point. When the holiday distractions fade, the issues resurface—stronger than before. This is why we see a surge in couples reaching out for help at the start of the year. And my dear friend who is a Divorce Attorney sees many filings every year in January. This is not a new phenomenon, it's called "Divorce January."

So, what’s the real reason couples struggle? It’s because couples coast. There's a statistic that says unhappy couples wait 6 years to get help. What do you think unhappy couples are after 6 years? Troubled couples. And what do troubled couples do? They go to counseling, which further perpetuates the stigma that ONLY troubled couples go to counseling. In most cases, it's too late. So how do you prevent your marriage from becoming a statistic?

Do a Weekly Check-In.

Russ and I were on The Habit Architect podcast where we broke down the steps of the Weekly Check-In. Practicing the Weekly Check-In will supercharge your communication skills.

Unfortunately, the saying "when you know better, you do better" doesn't hold much water because many couples know they should do a weekly check-in but they avoid it. Why? Because they're having a good weekend, they don't want to upset the mood if the check-in doesn't go well. Or they have turtle-like behavior and are afraid of discussing past tensions. 

So how do you avoid coasting? How do you avoid getting to the point where you're unhappy or even worse, troubled?

Remain intentional about checking in. Ideally, check in with each other every week. If you find yourself avoiding this necessary connection point with your spouse, allow us to help you.

And then do a Quarterly Check-In with a Marriage Mentor(s), Marriage Coach or Counselor. 

If you're ready to establish new habits this year, let's talk.