– So, that’s been an incredible principle. If you have this big hope and dream that you’re constantly thinking about, go ahead and do the research and analyze like your actually going to do it. And you may find out, Wow. This is what I really want to do. But then, you’ll know what what it’s actually gonna take to do it after you run the analysis and do the research or you might find out like us in these two scenarios, they weren’t really our hope and dream.
– Yeah. – So, it’s been a neat process.
– And then, another thing that helped me when you have these big hopes and dreams, it kind of feels deafening to keep talking about them and they don’t, you know, seem to happen. Well, one of the best words Russ would use with me is, if I talked about this big dream and it seemed like it was so many years away, instead of saying, “Oh. I don’t think that’s gonna work out.” or “That’s just way too expensive.”. He wouldn’t say “Yes.” or “No.” but the one word he used with me was, “Eventually, Honey.” And that, I think it just keeps hope in the conversation and to our surprise, sometimes some of the things have happened. So, I love the word “eventually”.
– Because she would come to me and say, You think we could do this at some point? and my initial thought would be, There is no way we’re gonna do that but instead of saying that, I would say, “Yeah, eventually.” and like she said, sometimes it actually came true and we were able to do it eventually, even though I don’t think we would and other times we didn’t but it keeps me from being Mr. Buzzkill.
– And the other thing we’ve learned is that when couples start to experiment with this, is that they realized they were on two parallel paths, like they had discussed their hopes and dreams when they ere engaged, just newly married, and then we just kinda think that those were it, those were the dreams that we’re going for.
– Yeah that’s another great point. We’ve learned that we kinda subconsciously think that our spouse has the same dreams that we do. I have a friend recently that ran into this. For years, he had what he thought would happen when he retired and his wife had a completely, exact opposite hope and dream but they just never talked about it. They kinda just thought the other person’s subconscious would be aligned with what they want to do when they retire or when they become an empty nester.
– Yeah. – So, this keeps that kinda, What?! You know, you don’t want the same thing I want?
– You don’t wanna go snow skiing?
– Exactly. Or get the RV and drive around the country with her.
– So, it helps a lot and like I said, it doesn’t have to be the big things, it can be the small things.
– Yeah. Yeah.
– So, give it a try. I think you’ll like it and it’ll draw you to each other.
– Don’t miss out on next week when we talk about frustrations and celebrations. It’s one of the key parts of this conversation in our weekly talk.
– And probably had one of the biggest impacts on our marriage. Next week so don’t miss it. – Thank you. Bye bye.